IN LAWS

Q:I am married and have two daughters.

My husband and I have this running argument about my family, especially when money is involved.

Right now, my parents live with us because my mother takes care of my two kids since my husband and I both work.

My dad just lost his job. I wanted to give my parents money during the Christmas season but my husband did not want me to do it.

I told him a little amount would not do us harm and, at the same time, it was my pakunswelo to them.

I do not know why my husband treats my parents that way. I know it has something to do with money and it is sad that it is still etched in his mind all this time.

How will I tell him to respect my parents for my sake and my kids?

SAD MOM

A:

What is it about forgiveness that turns some people’s hearts into stone?

Does he ever go to church on Sunday or whatever day of the week it is when he attends a house of prayer? If he does, how can he go on bended knees and ask for forgiveness when the very thought is alien to him?

Let us say, for argument’s sake, that your parents squandered thousands of his hard-earned money and still have not paid. Is that reason enough to treat them badly, even irreverently all this time?

Money can be earned, borrowed or stolen, and it will still be only money. But good manners is something else.

He should be angry at them if he sees them living off his money and spending obscenely like there is no tomorrow.

But if they are still at your mercy, in your house, then, something somewhere must have gotten basically wrong.

Your facts are so sketchy, but I am going out on a limb here. Your parents may have borrowed your husband’s money to start a business of their own, or acted as conduit for some other people—all of which must have turned out badly.

Such things happen. But to remain angry all this time is a waste of energy and emotion.

You are right in your wish that he treats them a bit nicer for you and your kids’ sake. He should realize that it is only vegetables he should plant and allow to grow—not anger.

It is counterproductive, totally useless and utterly bad for the health and marriage.