Bad-Date Escape (2)

Dating Def-Con 2: Mr. Don’t-You-Want-Me
This guy has been following you around the gym for weeks. He’s always offering to spot you on the incline leg-press or hold your feet while you do sit-ups just so he can sneak a few furtive glances up the legs of your shorts. Finally, you give in and go out on a date with him, because after all, he isn’t a complete jerk. Then he takes you dancing and rubs against you so hard, he crushes the crotch of your velvet pants. Unfortunately, it’s going to take more than a polite dismissal at the end of the night to convince Mr. Passionate that his eager beaver attitude isn’t working for you.

“This is no time to be subtle,” says Martinet. “For men with major egos, anything remotely positive that you say could be misinterpreted as a mating call.” Your best bet may be to bring up a topic that will unplug his love machine. Like, “I’m just dying to get married and have a baby!” “My last boyfriend was incredibly well-endowed, and ever since then, anything less than 12 inches just makes me laugh,” or “Buy me a drink. Alcohol helps my yeast infection.”

Dating Def-Con 3: Mr. Lewd, Crude, and Utterly Rude
Okay, the guy sitting across from you at the table doesn’t have a single thing going for him. He called you “Babycakes” 10 minutes after meeting you, leered at the waitress as she walked away, and now he’s telling you that all women are good for is cooking food and having babies. You don’t want to be breathing the same air as this guy, much less go out with him again.

“You could just get up and walk out,” says Martinet, “but sometimes it’s easier to avoid a scene by coming up with a creative excuse.” Tell him that you have to check your messages, she suggests. Come back looking distraught and explain earnestly that your 90-year-old neighbor called and you have to run to the pharmacy before it closes to pick up her prescription. “Another great getaway move is to start rummaging through your purse while becoming more and more agitated,” says Martinet, “then mutter something about losing your medication, a winning lottery ticket, your keys, wallet, whatever, and insist that you have to leave to go find it.” Chances are the jerk won’t offer to help.

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