Bad-Date Escape (1)

If you go on enough dates, you eventually come to realize some simple truths: Some dates are really great. Some dates are not so great. And some dates make hara-kiri by dull butter knife seem like a viable alternative to spending one more minute in a certain man’s company. When a date turns from bad to awful, all you want to know is: How do I get the hell out of here?

That was the question facing my friend Monica on a recent night out. “It was my first date with this guy, and he invited me to dinner at his place,” she recalls. “But when I arrived, his parents were there. That was weird enough, but all during dinner, they kept asking me really personal questions, like what my religious beliefs were.” Monica was being grilled like a guest star on a showbiz talk show, and it was time to break out of the interrogation. “After an hour and a half, I said that I felt sick, went to the bathroom, and climbed out the window.”

A daring escape, yes, but one that’s not always practical, especially if your man of the moment lives on the 15th floor. So the next time your date bores you, frightens you, or seems to have just spent A Night at the Roxbury, try one of these four exit plans.

Dating Def-Con 1: Mr. Nice-But-Not-For-You
Your best friend set you up with a guy who looks just like Keanu Reeves’ little brother, but now you’re halfway through dinner and he won’t stop talking about how his ex-girlfriend broke his heart. Plus, he’s wearing argyle everything and you think you just caught a whiff of your dad’s cologne. This guy may be somebody’s idea of Mr. Right—he’s just not yours. Problem is, you can’t bear to hurt his feelings. Before you know it, he’ll be puckering up for a good-night kiss and/or asking for another date. Yikes!

“You have to make sure he knows you’re not interested,” says Jeanne Martinet, author of Come-ons, Comebacks, and Kiss-Offs (St. Martin’s Press, 1997). She recommends softening your rejection with flattery. Try something like, “Well, we don’t have much in common, but I think you’re the funniest, smartest, sweetest, wittiest, fill-in-the-blank guy I’ve ever met.” Ask him if it would be okay to give his phone number to one of your friends who’d be just perfect for him. “He’s going to feel rejected no matter what you do,” says Martinet, “but complimenting him while still stressing that he’s not your type will help him walk away with his dignity intact.”

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